the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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