First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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