Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
