lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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