where am i from again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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