was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
