Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
