Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
