Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
