cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
