you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
