Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
