Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
