I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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