There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
