some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
