Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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