I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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