new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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