I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
