he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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