idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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