Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This baby is an asshole
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
