what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize