And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
