I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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