I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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