how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
