shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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