OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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