he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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