this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize