I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
