When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
