I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
