soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
