If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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