so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
