Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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