I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
