omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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