I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
