I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize