Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
