I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
