yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
