i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
