Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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