You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
