i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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