sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
