$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
