well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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