I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
