And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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