On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
