Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
