i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
