Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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