i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize