I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
