What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
