btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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