I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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