I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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