Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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