I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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