Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In America we eat man semen.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
