Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
