Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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