my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
