I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
farters have to be the big spoon...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
