She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
