idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
