My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize