I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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